Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
