can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
