Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
