Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
