I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize