So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
