im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
