She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
