dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
