You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
