so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
