they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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