Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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