I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
