....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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