There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
