grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
