sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
