My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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