Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
