Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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