his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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