Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
