That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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