dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i dont even know how to be here
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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