I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
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