So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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