the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
