so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
can u get pink eye on your cock?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
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