I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
