I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
