so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
so much tequila, so little girl.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
