Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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