So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
