All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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