The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
