I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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