Pappa wants mamma naked
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
