If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
