I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
