I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
