I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
