then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
