Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
