My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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