I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
that's an acceptable place to lick
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
