I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
