Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
In other news, I just burned my penis
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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