Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I love you. Go after that dick
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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