The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
