But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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