three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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