my vag is so smooth its legendary
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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