we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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