just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
