I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
