it wasn't lemon gatorade
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
