I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
