Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
