I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
its liver damage thursday
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
