Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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