He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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